The “Perfect Roommate” is pretty hard to find. It’s even harder to be the perfect roommate! I was a Resident Assistant in college, and I discovered that “not-perfect roommates” can still get along with a strong dose of communication.
Before you move in with your roommate, try to talk about as much as possible about yourselves and what you expect dorm life to be like. Use these topics and questions to open up the conversation.
Furniture
Take inventory: consider what is already provided for you in your dorm, what you might already have, and what else you need to get for your space.
- Provided:
- beds/lofts (dorm room or shared bedroom)
- dressers/closets
- desks & chairs
- Not provided:
- rug
- couch
- mini-fridge
- microwave
- TV & stand
Perhaps your university will provide a communal fridge or microwave in the lounge, so those things won’t be necessary. You may not even need or want a TV, so those are good items to talk about.
Habits
Talk about what you and your roommate’s current habits are. These things may change upon coming to college, but don’t count on it.
Sleep
- How many hours of sleep do you average per night?
- When do you usually go to bed/wake up?
- Are you sensitive to light?
- Are you a light sleeper or a heavy sleeper?
- Do you know if you snore or sleepwalk?
- How many alarms does it take to wake you up?
Having an understanding now about sleep habits will help you be prepared for living with each other. Consider setting a time to turn off the lights. More adjustments will need to be made depending on your sleeping habits, and think of each one as ways you can honor and help each other in adjusting to college.
Cleanliness
- What does your room look like right now?
- Do you usually put things away right away or do you leave them out?
- On a scale of 1-10 how important is it to you that our dorm room is tidy?
- How often should we take turns cleaning common areas like the sink?
One of you may be a neat-freak and the other takes a “laid-back approach”. Understand that both of you will have to give grace to the other, but each of you should make strides in ensuring a comfortable living space for both of you.
Preferences
It’s important to talk about your preferences so that you can accommodate each other as much as possible. You might have to make compromises here, so being aware and talking through things before you have a problem will help you have a smoother transition to living together.
Smells
- Do you wear or are you sensitive to cologne/perfume?
- Are you okay with candles (wickless for a dorm) or air fresheners?
- Do you ever have to deal with smelly gym clothes?
Studying
- Do you prefer quiet or background noise when you study?
- How often do you think you’ll study in our room?
- Do you use headphones?
Friends
- How late should our friends stay over?
- Will any friends be staying the night? *Make sure you’re on the same page about how much time boyfriends/girlfriends stay around.*
- How can we let each other know when one of us is ready to call it a night and have our friends leave?
You’ll be surprised how many of these things can become issues if you don’t talk about it, so making your preferences known up front can help keep you from getting frustrated with each other. If other issues arise, take the same approach! Talk about it up front and seek to find a middle ground.
For more practical advice on transitioning to college, check out the book!
